Wednesday, November 3, 2010


Up with your turret
Aren't we just terrified?
Shale, screen your worry from what you won't ever find

Don't let it fool you
Don't let it fool you...down
Dancing around, folds in her gown

What to say on a day I planned to have so much to say, yet now nothing...So um, whats new? 
Two words...Bon. Iver. Ever have those artists who capture your soul? And I'm not talking the cliche superficial bullshit. Not the shit when you go, the lyrics relate to me or it says everything i'm feeling. 
I'm talking about the music, the creation of an atmosphere and the ability for music to not explain any emotion but take you into your own world, making you feel like you're flying. I have yet to meet someone who understands and I don't think I could believe anyone else who could say they do, but when I know, I think I really do know. Anyway, Bon Iver makes me feel that way.

Having the HSC come to an end and the great possibility that I'm super unlucky when it comes to employment...I've become extremely motivated to run. The one down side is that I don't want my body shape to change or get bigger thighs (Which I know will happen). So then having nothing to do with my life, I now have the time to really do something and also to really get my cardio up. Even though I honestly am not bothered, I think its time for me to push myself and actually work really hard to achieve something because I seem to always give up. New Years Resolution?

Piano. When mum brought it up in the body burns. You want to know the reason why I hate it so much ma? Because you and dad forced me into it. Sure I might have liked it growing up, but it was only because I was good at it and because you pushed me so much I didn't know what else to think. But what really fucked me over was when you'd pester, push, scream, put me down because of it. Why did dad have to sit next to the piano and make me drill it like a fucking dog. Banging something on it for me to get the timing right. Or making me start again when I'd do a tiny mistake in the first bar. Or telling me off for not practicing. How am I supposed to enjoy myself when I have those memories? I plain hated it. I never like playing for you because you always have something to say. Always. stfu?
So please, stop it. And I know I can't say this to your face because you'd crumble to a zillion pieces...and you're my parents & I love you. 

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